Sleepless Nights

Not even a blindfold and Lucha wrestling mask could help!

So since I started the new job last week I’ve had nothing but sleepless nights, not because the jobs stressful, the job in itself is very boring, unable to listen to music I’m just entering information on their system for 7 hours a day then I go home.

It’s not too bad though, the people that work there are pretty cool and I like to wind them up, mainly because 98% of the office consists of females, listening to them drone on about men all day was starting to really get on my nerves so I thought I’d pretend to be some what misogynistic and start spouting off things I don’t really believe but damn their reaction is funny.

After listening to my manager go on about how she’s juggling two men at once for 40 minutes to a pregnant lass, then the pregnant lass go on about having her child. I decided to get involved purely out of boredom. I said I’d never be having children, I wouldn’t be able to handle a baby.


Pregnant woman: What would you do if you got a woman pregnant?

Me: Well put it this way, if she isn’t on the pill, it’s not my problem.

*A round of gasps*

Me: She’d definitely be getting a roundhouse n all. The tart.

Woman: So you’ve never gotten anyone pregnant then?

Me: Why do you think I live in Chesterfield?

Woman: Why?

Me: Because I used to live in Liverpool, got some trout up the duff, got the fuck outta there the moment she told me. I’ve probably got a 5 year old son out there somewhere by now.

Suffice to say, I’m not well liked anymore, but now I could work in peace without them yammering on all day in my ear, I’m only there for two weeks so what do I care if they like me or not really? Plus if I ever did want to be liked, I’m a very charming guy and easy for people to warm up to.

The day after the same woman started talking to me again, about the conversation we had yesterday.

Woman: I’d have thought you’d be a nice guy.

Me: I am a nice guy, I’d treat anyone I went out with right, I’m very affectionate… up until she got pregnant, then dat bitch iz on her own yo!

The guys in the office found me hilarious, but we were vastly outnumbered.

Woman: Why don’t you like women?

Me: They’re just there to be shagged aren’t they though, don’t know why they’re even allowed to have opinions n shit, I don’t ask my right hand for an opinion do I? Lucky you don’t live in the fifties you, you’d constantly be getting black eyes for opening your mouth so much.

Then my manager went,

Manager: I’m glad I’m not with someone like you.

Me: I wouldn’t pay you to have sex with me.

Manager: I wouldn’t want you to pay me.

Me: Alright then, we’ll do it for free, but you better be on the pill.

Don’t worry, they’re not all offended, and no offense meant to anyone that reads this, just office banter to keep our minds from thinking how slow the day is going. I love watching their reaction thinking they’re so good despite the manager who said I’m everything she hates, is juggling two men. She’s everything I hate.

But anyway, as I said it’s not the job, I just think my sleeping pattern is screwed up beyond repair, with me being out of work for so long and before that having a job that didn’t start until 11am, I was always going to bed around 4:30am, getting up at 11:30-12:30 every day. Then I got this job where I have to set off at 6:30am, the first night before work I barely got any sleep at all, I finished work at three, went home, dozed off by half 4, was awoken when it was dinner time, back to sleep by 7, couldn’t keep my eyes open, normally that’d be fine but I woke up at half 12 and couldn’t get back to sleep.

Maybe I should drink copious amounts of alcohol at night, then I'll end up like this.

So I stayed up all night, set off the work at the same time, finished at the same time, I think because the job is so boring and repetitive aswell, it makes me more tired. I got some around the same time, fell asleep around 6, woke up at 12, again I stayed up all night. Repeat the next night, getting less sleep each time.

It’s good in a way because it means I’ll never be late for work but bad because I’m missing my evening, it just seems I go to work, come home, sleep, wake up and stay in my room all night waiting to go back to work, no contact with my friends.

Friday night I fell asleep around 7pm, my girlfriend woke me up around 10:30 because she needed to pick some things up, from those three and a half hours sleep I had I was then wide awake all night, I tried to sleep but it just wasn’t happening, I finally fell asleep around half 7 this morning!! I set my alarm for 1pm so I wouldn’t miss the whole day but my alarm went off, I realised I had nothing to wake up for, so I went back to sleep! Woke up around 5pm, great so that’s my Saturday gone.

Last night though I think I couldn’t get back to sleep due to the worries that are constantly on my mind, such as money problems (I will be hitting £1300 in debt on Monday once the car insurance comes out.), work problems because after next week the temp position will be over and I’ll once again be out of work and just various other thoughts running through my head.

I know what I need to do though, I need to stay awake through tonight, keep my self up through tomorrow and fall asleep tomorrow night, that should hopefully reset my body clock and I’ll be back on a regular sleeping pattern, I’ve had bouts of insomnia before where I haven’t slept for three or four days at a time so this should be a piece of cake.

Then I’ll be able to enjoy what ever my birthday surprise is on Tuesday without wanting to just go to bed.

If only I knew where to acquire sleeping pills!


Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

10 thoughts on “Sleepless Nights”

  1. Insomnia is a bitch. I can sympathise! I think the only positive that has came out of it is that I’ve been very productive during those sleepless nights, though in saying that it’s also trained me to survive only on three to four hours sleep a night! I have to say, when I hit the alcohol, sleep comes so much easier. If only we had a little switch in our brains that was instanteosleep.

    Also hilarious conversation you had at work there, though I suppose if I had have been there, I would have thought you were a mysogynistic pig. Glad I know otherwise 🙂

    1. I have opted to deprive myself of sleep then finish my self off with alcohol later on in the evening, I can survive with little sleep too so long as I’m doing something productive, work isn’t productive though lol

  2. That made me laugh. You’re funny. i have a bit of trouble with some of the British slang but I catch the jest of it. It’s refreshing to read such clear honest banter. I’m happy I subscribe to this post.

    1. Thanks a lot my friend 🙂 if there’s any slang I can clear to is be happy to, no doubt ill think of more things to say to them by the time Monday rolls around

  3. Not sleeping is a terrible thing, it would happen to me once / twice a week but don’t rely on pills or drink 🙂

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s