Probably the most productive, alcohol wise a weekend in a long time, went out for my friends birthday, I bought him a two foot high card that said “For My Gorgeous Boyfriend” for shits and giggles and some beer to tuck into. Started the drinking around 4pm, went out for something to eat around 6pm then went out about 8pm, had a good night with good friends, got back to my friends place about 4am, continued drinking until 7:30am and passed out until 1:30pm, which I then watched X Factor and three episodes of Big Brother, yeah, I’m a saddo alright.
Started the drinking again about 4pm, went out for a Sunday carvery, went to the cinema and then back to my house where I passed out until it was time for work Monday morning and today dragged so much, I was going to write this blog when I got home from work but I was that tired I couldn’t do anything. So now it’s back to silly sleeping schedules again waking up at midnight…
While most people wouldn’t consider 26 to be old, I already feel that I’m past my prime and considering I’ve had it in my mind for years that I was dying at 25, 26 is quite the accomplishment for me.
There was a time when I was younger that when I went out on a night out, I could survive on very little sleep, get back out the day after and be productive (Be back in the pub). These days I’ll be out and I’ll be totally useless the following day, though to be fair I was drinking until 7:30am Sunday morning on this occasion but that’s no excuse!
But no that’s not why I’m getting softer in my older age. The reason I’m getting softer is this;
Sunday evening as I said I went to the cinema with my friends Alex, Stacey, Jake and Ashleigh as it was Alex’s 27th (HAH) birthday. Went to watch The Guard which turned out to be one of the best films I’ve seen all year, Brendan Gleeson is one of my favourite actors, such a funny bastard. But while we were watching the film we had one of those nightmare people that come in and disrupt a film, sitting on the back row with us, they were either pissed up or drugged up and I’m guessing the latter, the girl spent the first ten minutes of the film just on her phone while her dirty chav boyfriend kept fucking off for ages every now and then, coming back and talking to his girlfriend, not whispering just proper talking.
My friend Stacey shushed them to which he said,
“No good shushing me duck”
To which I then said…
“How about you shut your fucking mouth before I shut it for you, you stupid prick.”
That seemed to work for a bit, it was funny because everytime he then went down the stairs he keep staring at us all when he returned, why even come to the cinema though if you’re not even bothering with the film though? £7.90 we paid and we didn’t pay that to listen to two twats sat next to us. Then his phone actually went off and that was when I realised I was getting softer.
A few years ago I was the sort of person that would have walked over to him, snatched his phone from his hand and smashed it on the floor, then proceeded to give his face the same treatment. Or when he kept leaving the cinema to go God knows where, follow him and snap his neck in half. Now I kind of just let things wash by and try to ignore them.
Maybe it’s the type of people I hang out with, I don’t want to be the guy that gets into fights all the time, though I do like being the guy that protects everyone should something kick off.
The only time I get mad now is when someone starts with a friend, I can’t stand that, I will flip out and see red, but if someone kicks off with me, I’ll just laugh it off and walk off. While inside there’s a rage that just wants to tear out their throat.
Anyway we watched the film, those two idiots left, we stopped to watch the credits (Something my friend Jake likes to do…) then we left. I believe the guy was waiting for us outside, possibly to start something, I gave him a deathly stare, he took one look at me and fucked off. (I have quite the intimidating stature) Alex told me to leave it and so I did, he’s been my conscience so much recently, before I wanted to do nothing but pin that dirty chav up against the wall and choke him until his body went limp, then give his drugged up girlfriend a back hand and tell her to sort out her fucking life.
But no instead, we walked off. I complied because I didn’t want to ruin the evening. That’s all I seem to do these days.
And it scares me because all that rage just gets bottled up in a deep dark place and there will be a day in the future where someone will piss me off enough for me to lash out at them and all that rage, hatred, bitterness and anger will be unleashed and I’ll end up killing someone.
I don’t want to end up going to prison, you’ve seen my face, I’ll surely be raped in the showers. Maybe I need to invest in a punch bag?
It just seems that this is the beginning of the end, if I can’t force myself to bitch slap some scumbag when he’s being an utter prick in the cinema, it’s a slippery slope, it’ll not be long that I’ll be 80 years old, sat in a retirement home, taking insults off of a carer while she’s wiping my arse. How much of a tough guy will I be then!?
When I was younger there was an elderly couple across the street from me, I used to go there all the time when I was younger, they were like grandparents to me, Mr. Coleman said to me not long before he passed away at 85 a couple of years ago,
“It was only five minutes ago when you were just some 8 year old coming over for Sunday lunch and taking the dogs for a walk afterwards. Enjoy what your doing because life will only seem like five minutes. I have no regrets and I don’t want you to have any either.”
Come to think of it, that was probably the last time we spoke, but what he said has always stuck with me and I try my best to visit Mrs. Coleman who now lives on her own, but I think it was that that made me calm down, why waste my time on idiots like those I encountered Sunday?
But sometimes though… There’s nothing quite like putting some scumbags face through a brick wall.