The next thing I want to touch on is something I feel strongly about, driving and the fact that no one seems to know how to drive correctly anymore.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not the sort of person that claims to be the perfect driver, I’ve had some near misses myself, but it’s so frustrating when you need to be somewhere and people in other cars don’t have a care in their world and decided to do whatever speed they feel like doing.
When I passed my driving test in 2007 (Can’t believe it’s been that long) I knew instantly that I was going to be an angry driver. I didn’t realise how angry though until I learnt how to drive. Real learning doesn’t take place on your lessons or exams, it’s afterwards when you don’t have someone sat next to you.
My first long drive was the 1h 30m drive from Chesterfield to Manchester to see a mate of mine at his student house. It was daunting because I had rarely been to Manchester before.
Then I drove to Wales, a nice 4 hour drive but I had friends in the car at the time, then I drove to my cousins place in Scotland, a 6h 30m drive (5h 30m now I’m a mental driver).
Now I drive like it’s nothing, I drive as well as I breathe, it comes natural. But let’s start with my top 5 driving pet hates, in no particular order…
1. Slowing Down Before Indicating
If there was one thing I was taught on my driving lessons it was MSM – Mirror, Signal, Maneuver. That means you check your mirror, you then indicate then you slow down as required, that way the driver behind you knows you’re about to slow down and turn into the next junction.
So many times now I’m bombing down a 50mph road, a car in front of me decides he needs to turn left, doesn’t mirror, doesn’t signal, just slams on the brakes, then indicates. Do they not know how fucking dangerous this is? Yeah there’s distances people are meant to keep between cars but that means nothing when you’re doing 50mph, even if I’m in a hurry to get somewhere, if they signal first I don’t care, but when you just brake and slow right down then decided to indicate AS YOUR TURNING then that’s completely unacceptable.
But it’s not just turning, it’s changing lanes on a motorway or dual carriageway, you’re supposed to speed up as you change lanes and I’m sick of these people that think they have to slow to change lanes, not only are you slowing me down, but you’re slowing down the guy in the next lane as well.
These sort of people need to be taking a driving refresher course.
2. Stopping For No Reason
So picture this, everyone’s doing high speeds down the motorway, the limits 70mph, but if you’re in the outer lane, you’re not doing 70, you’re doing at least 80, I like to keep it at a steady 100mph while I’m going somewhere, the car in front of me is also doing 100, everythings fine, then all of a sudden the car in front slams on the brakes, which means I have to slam on my brakes and start skidding at high speeds, I slow right down then set off going again, pull a little bit to the left to see if the car in front of the car in front of me was doing something strange, then I realise there is no car in front of the car in front!
There’s no other cars anywhere near in front of the prick that just nearly ended my life. So why the hell did he brake suddenly? It’s not happened just the once, it’s happened a few times over the years, if you don’t feel comfortable doing the speed your doing, slow down slowly, don’t just slam on the brakes, not only is it dangerous for me but it’s probably more dangerous for you! (Because if I survive, I will kill you.)
3. Not Doing The Speed Limit
This probably pisses me off the most, if it’s a 40, that means you do 40, if there’s no speed cameras, I’ll more than likely be doing 50. But when cars are in a 40 and they’re doing 30, play the fucking game mate! There are signs for a reason, read them!
My girlfriend doesn’t read road signs, she keeps asking me what speed it is at times, have a fucking look!
It really annoys me when I’m in a 60 or 70mph speed limit and the cars not doing the speed, more often than not I’m stuck behind some retard doing 40, great, you were doing 30 in a 40, you saw that it’s National Speed Limit and you decide to do 40. Do everyone a favour and take a fucking bus.
I’m sorry but if you’re over 65, you need to hand in your driving license, you don’t have anywhere to go but your house waiting to die. You have no right to be on the roads, cars in your day probably could only achieve 30 miles an hour at top speed but now we’re in an age where that’s not the case.
Pensioners tend to be the people that do most of the pet hates at the same time, they don’t indicate, they don’t do the speed limit, they stop for no reason. I was stuck behind a pensioner the other day, blatantly a 40, she was doing 25mph! There was no traffic in front of her, the car was powerful enough to achieve 40mph easily, so why is she doing 25mph? Is she uncomfortable doing those kind of speeds? Then get off the road and get on a bus or in a taxi, stop ruining my life! She then indicated to turn left, slowed right down for the junction, turned off her indicator then carried on driving!
I was absolutely seething with hatred for this woman, I’m sure she’s lived some life but I swear it was about to end, at this point I beeped my horn to wake that dozy old cow up! There’s cars on the motorway doing 40mph in the first lane and it’s almost always a pensioner driving, my own gran had to give up her license because she crashed into a parked car. My point proved right there.
Once you hit 65 not only do you get to retire from work, you also get to retire from driving also.
5. Getting Up My Arse
This probably wants me to murder someone the most. Because despite all my gripes about drivers, I never get up their arse, I keep an acceptable distance from everyone. I hate it when cars are inches away from my bumper for no reason, if you’re up my arse there’s nothing I can do about it, it’s probably the car in front of me being slow.
If I’m doing 90mph on the motorway, that’s a more than acceptable speed, but then some flash car will come speeding right up behind me and almost tickling my bumper, are you an absolute prick or what? Supposing the car in front of me brakes for no reason then I have to slam on my brakes, I’m barely missing him at the acceptable stopping distance, meanwhile you’re busy smashing into to the back of me. I sometimes hope I have to brake suddenly just so he fucks his car up.
It’s funny though if I’m in the outer lane, the car will get up my arse, out of principle I’ll stay where I am, so he then goes into the middle lane hoping to undertake me, but ends up getting caught up behind a car going even slower, then he has to get back into the outer lane and back behind me, I normally give them some sort of offensive hand gesture at this point while smirking to myself.
But those are my top five pet hates, there are loads of others, such as chavs with their stupid dance music pumped up, I listen to (real) music loudly if I’m on the motorway that’s fine, but don’t do it in crowded areas, not everyone wants to listen to the shower of shit coming out of your speakers, speed camera’s really get on my nerves as do average speed checks but the five I listed are my main ones.
I’m not saying I’m a saint at driving, I’ve managed to acquire points on my license, doing 93mph on the motorway while the car was weaving, police asked me if I had been drinking, I hadn’t I had been texting someone and driving with my forearms, but they didn’t find that acceptable and got a nice fine to go with it! Totally deserved it but it’s not like I was a danger to anyone, there was no one on the road at 3am when I had finished work at Ibis Hotel. Why the hell were the police even on the roads at that time anyway?!
Feel free to list whatever pet hates you have about driving, I’d love to see if there’s anything else I can complain about while on the roads!