Well I’m back home, truthfully I was home yesterday but as I didn’t get any sleep due to my madness Sunday night coupled with a four-hour drive back home I really wasn’t in the mood to do anything but sleep. Woke up this morning, not really refreshed, I think I killed far too many brain cells this morning and I really struggled.
This weekend did not disappoint, it was as awesome as I remembered it to be, finished work at half 5, picked a German up (not randomly, he was a friend) and then drove to Chesterfield to pick Will up, then we thrashed it down to Wales, took 3 and a half hours to get there in total, it’s meant to be a four-hour drive so I did well there.
We get there greeted by the rest of our friends, the house all done up for the Halloween theme, beer in hand and we catch up, I show them the scar on the top of my head, made them all laugh with my misadventures at work, more than one person this weekend have told me I should have my own stand up show, hah, yeah that’d go down well!
I seemed to have taken a lot of videos this weekend aswell, I will get them all up on here for all of your viewing pleasure, but they’re taking ages to upload so pictures first along with a couple of videos and then I’ll make another post with all the best videos afterwards!
Everyone seemed to go to bed pretty early, my friend James or Whitey as we all call him went to bed with his girlfriend pretty early, I very rarely see him and even when I do it isn’t for long so it was a surprise this weekend when we got along so well! It was like a new bromance was forming hah! As mentioned before we all had stings where each person gets three bottles of beer and during the course of the weekend you can sting anyone you want and they have 20 minutes to drink the beer, so if they’ve had a heavy night or really hung over the morning after, boom, drink this beer!
The first person I stung was Whitey, it took 11 minutes for him to drink the damn beer… Well it took me 11 minutes to convince him to drink the beer as he didn’t wake up, but what he didn’t know was I don’t give up! I filmed the entire 11 minutes, watch every minute of it, you won’t be disappointed as I abuse him and sexually molest him throughout!
He did drink the beer in the end and was still in the game, I left him and his girlfriend Corrine to go back to sleep.
What I wasn’t happy about was being relegated to the attic bedroom with Will, who snores the loudest out of everyone! The attic beds are so small and uncomfortable it was unreal, I had such a shit sleep! I was the last one to go to bed every night we were there, I didn’t want the weekend to end and I made the most of every day, the morning after everyone seemed to be watching football, I wasn’t impressed as I hate football.
Around midday we went to Pwlhelli (pronounced Puh-Thelli) for some breakfast/lunch then had a walk around the area, went into an arcade, I went on this basketball game where you have to try and get as many baskets as possible within the allotted time, there was this little black kid on a racing game next to me, a ball went flying past his head when it bounced out of the machine, close one!
Then as I kept playing, another ball bounced out, I deflected it off my arm and cracked him square in the face! He looked so pissed off, he looked up at me then looked away almost immediately, I had to go over and apologize of course and he and his dad was fine with it. Then Justin the German went on the game and got the high score getting 172, then Whitey went on the game and beat the high score again getting 188! We owned that piece of shit!
When we got back to the house a couple of friends Gregg and Jake went swimming in the sea, the weather was terrible and cold! I didn’t fancy it myself so I left them to it, funny when Jake put on idiot Warrens “dry suit” that’s supposed to keep water out, went in the sea, came out and was absolutely piss wet through! Not only just but he actually was being weighted down in the water by his suit filling up! Absolute joke.
We were meant to be going fishing Saturday but due to the rough weather it was called off, I was looking forward to the boat ride but not really looking forward to gutting fish later on so I was somewhat glad.
Later on Saturday evening, we were all going out in fancy dress, I tried on several costumes before staying with the one I originally brought with me in the first place, even putting the fake blood where my scar was! For realism, we had a game of “Battleshots” drinking game, which saw me drinking far too much rum and whiskey, then we went out around Abersoch in these costumes.
We looked like the worst bunch of superheroes of all time! We only went out for a few hours as there aren’t that many pubs around Abersoch, I believe we only went in two as most of them didn’t serve “people dressed up”! Half the fucking village was dressed up! Are you seriously not wanting to make any money!? Their loss not ours, the pubs were shit anyway, four of the friends wanted to go into Pwlhelli for a night club but I’m way into that position where I don’t care about clubs anymore, the rest of us agreed and we went back to the house to drink more.
That night I stung the German Justin with a beer and for a German, my God did he whine like a fucking bitch about it! But I had my way as always and he did eventually drink it, he knew the game and you can’t back out once you’ve said you’re up for it!
Me and Phil ended up being the last two people up, stopped Jake from breathing in his sleep again as Whitey gave him a sting once he came to, Corinne was adamant she wasn’t playing the stings game as she didn’t feel very well, I waited for her to go to bed and I proved her wrong, laying on top of the poor girl while bashing the glass bottle with my ring while repeating the words “Drink Me” in various voices, it took less time than I thought to convince her! She did us proud.
Once everyone went to bed I was the last one up yet again, just standing on the balcony staring into the darkness while listening to the waves crashes against the rocks below.
Sunday we didn’t do that much to be honest, just chilled out around the house, watched Jurassic Park, it was discovered that I hadn’t yet been stung with a beer all weekend, I was the man that was arranging it all but I slipped under the radar, so Gregg woke me up at half 9 in the morning with a tasty cold beer, bit of a waste really because I was really thirsty so the beer helped. I drank that within the 20 minute time limit then got up, unfortunately Whitey and his girlfriend Corrine had to go home at 6pm due to Corrine having working Monday morning, being a teacher sucks balls.
But we still got to have a BBQ in the afternoon, pretty tasty business and then once it got dark we lit off some fireworks from the beach, my videos were really piss poor, stupid HTC so I pinched the video off of Justin’s phone as it was good quality, we then set off two big rockets that made an extremely loud bang, I managed to film the second one that was set off which almost blew Jake’s face clean off due to him not pulling out the fuse so he had about three seconds to get away before it lifted off!
Whitey and Corrine left afterwards, we all gave them some mega hugz and they left, soon after that we all went to Manana mexican restaurant, I had steak, it was nice. We then went to a pub afterwards for a quick drink, I carried on my losing streak of pool by losing two matches (It currently stands at 96 games since I last won, I’m not shit, just extremely unlucky.)
morning and we had to pack everything and clean the house, so again I was left up and
walking around, I painted my nails gothic black, attached panty liners on Warren and
Justin’s room, stung Will, went for a poo, ran out of things to do so I stood on the balcony and reminisced for a couple of hours then went to bed in the room Corrine and Whitey stayed in, it was a double bed that was actually comfortable.
I probably had about four hours sleep then was forced awake by Gregg, we cleaned the house, packed my car, I took a couple of more photo’s and videos before leaving and setting off on the long drive back from Wales to Chesterfield.
We did stop off at a café and the 9 of us left had breakfast, Warren and Justin were talking bollocks all the way through it, I had to move from one end of the table to the other before I beat the shit out of Warren, he is delusional, he has no grasp of reality, the shit he was coming out with, Justin who has a PhD in Economics who is soon moving to Germany for a 70k a year job is being told that everything he knows is wrong by some idiot working a dead end job in a fire station that doesn’t grasp the concept of self hygiene.
After breakfast he was still going on about it when Justin said he didn’t want to talk about it anymore, Will told him to shut up, Warren kept calling Will childish so I kicked his legs out from under him and floored him. He said “Oh another example of someone being childish” to which I replied “Carry on and you’ll see how childish I can be you fucking retard.” and that ended things. So yeah, violence does solve problems!
Back to Asda car park where we all were parked, we said our final goodbyes and they all left, I had to wait for Justin and Will to stop pissing around in Asda so we set off ten minutes after everyone, funny as hell when I overtook Jake’s car speeding past him flicking him the fingers.
Had to stop for petrol, was probably there for 15 minutes waiting for everyone in front of me to hurry the fuck up, got back in the car, Jake goes speeding past on the motorway, I soon caught up and overtook them again! Hah! BOOM! I then got back to Sheffield 30 minutes before they did.
Pretty much all weekend I’ve been spoofing the Tom Waits song “What’s He Building In There” which you will hear some of in the videos to follow tomorrow, so funny, we started doing it in Leeds Festival to Jake’s girlfriend Ash, to the point where she childishly was too scared to enter her own tent.
Because she hadn’t come to Wales due to going out round Manchester and not being able to get the Monday off (also a teacher) we (I) kept leaving voice mails on her phone in that voice just coming out with random rubbish, I started adding twists to it though to make it even more funny, go and search for Tom Waits – What’s He Building In There on YouTube and imagine what I say in that voice, because my impression is perfect.
What’s he building in there? What’s he…. BUILDING in there?
They say he had an old oak tree in the yard of his house in Bangor, Wales.
But what’s he building in there?
They say his wife is buried under that old oak tree…
But the strange thing is…
He was never married…
WHATS HE BUILDING IN THERE?!
It’s been a fantastic weekend and today at work has been quite a drag, stumbling around like my brain is still recovering, I just wished I won the lottery so I could move there permanently and live the rest of my days watching the sea with all my friends. Such a great life to have down there.
But as they say, all good things come to an end.