The Bum Doctors II: Return Of The Anal Probe + Victorious

The reason this blog has two titles is because it’s essentially two separate blogs merged into one, rather than having to create two different posts.

As I’ve mentioned before today was the follow-up appointment with the doctor about my piles, after they seemed to come off last time I was still feeling pain in my anal region so I thought I’d better go back rather than suffering. I was pretty angry that the treatment hadn’t worked the first time considering the amount of pain I had to go through and the inconvenience suffered afterwards.

So back in the hospital ward, on time for my appointment, the doctor kept me waiting for 30 minutes before I was called in, I dropped my pants behind the screen and covered myself with a sheet, the doctor comes in and asks me what’s been happening, I said I was still feeling pain, although there hasn’t been any bleeding since the large amount I shit out the first time.

He said the blood loss was normal as the piles are filled with blood and it was just that escaping, but the pain I was getting now didn’t sound like piles, it did feel like a different sort of pain too actually… so again I took the position, turned on my left side with my knees bent and he inspected my arse.

“Does this hurt?” He says.


I wince and agree, he then pops on some jelly and rams his finger up my arse, it was every bit as uncomfortable as it was the first time, he has an inspection and he’s done?!

Apparently the treatment worked and my piles were gone, the pain I was experiencing was in fact a split ring so to speak, a tear on my anus due to God knows what, probably the way the first doctor abused me with those cameras! Doctor basically said I had a tight arse, so what everyone said was true hah! But all I have to do is apply cream for the next 4 to 6 weeks and I should be perfectly healed at last, after almost a year of punishment finally I could be free of this pain at last!

Apparently the cream gives you headaches? Don’t know how as it’s going on my ass but I already suffer from headaches daily anyway ever since I split my head open, so that’s pain I can deal with.

For the victorious part of this blog, I have mentioned numerous times about my ongoing psychological war with the prick that I work with, how me and another guy both hate him and want him to go. Well as I mentioned before he went for a job as a tester, a pay rise and works on another floor of the building, I also mentioned how he royally fucked up that interview due to him being a complete retard.

Saying his best quality was connecting with customers, despite the fact the role of a tester has nothing to do with customers! Then failed a basic maths and english exam. So we expected him to be going nowhere, then I got talking to the head of the software development department a week back, just having random chats here and there, apparently we both shared a love for the city of Bath!

Quite pally pally, then I brought up how the dick head went for an interview with him, I then started dropping hints to the head of the development department saying that he has been talking about wanting to be a Tester since I joined the company and how upset with himself he was that he thought he messed up the interview. Basically messing it up because of nerves. I then dropped a hint here and there over the course of the week…

Today the prick gets pulled into a meeting with the Testing department and they’ve offered him a position on their team, this new plan of mine that I had kept secret from everyone seems to have worked! Whether it was my doing or not that mother fucker is off of my team, I saw an opportunity and I took it, am I bitter that he’ll be getting more money? No because I’ve only been there for two and a half months and I know I’ll have to put in some time and effort to rise in this company, the prick had already put the time in, effort… meh, but he had been there long enough to warrant moving to a different department and I know I helped facilitate this change.

So he gets what he wants, more money and a new job, we get what we want, him off of our team and out of our hair. The guy I’m friends with already said how it’ll be like having a new job with him gone.

When he’ll be leaving I do not know, whether it’s the usual four-week notice period, but I’m not sure how it happens internally, it has to go through the IT Manager as well first but I imagine that after the new year, it will be a new experience in the work place, a happier experience.

The point is, when someone annoys me, screws with me and goes to war with me, I will win one way or another.

I always win.



Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

14 thoughts on “The Bum Doctors II: Return Of The Anal Probe + Victorious”

  1. Reading this was like having a rainbow of happiness fired into my face, even though it probably came out of your arse.* Good news on the arse front, and on the work front. I’m happy for you and your arse 😀

    * I’ve just realised how disturbing that sounded. Phil will be having words with me.

    1. If only I had superpowers haha, that would definitely ve it! 🙂 hopefully work picks up too, I sat there for the 5 hours yesterday and took two calls all that time =\

  2. Oh, and I just wanted to let you know that I’ve added your site to my newly formed blogroll… because your blog is awesome and is similarly insane to mine. Insane blog linkages ftw!

  3. Well, both pains in your arse are taken care of. And, like you basically said… We all know your head is hard as a rock and indestructible. 🙂 Hope you feel better soon.

  4. Hahaha. I too, would love to know how cream applied on your bum would give you a headache. Weird stuff!

    Hooray for the poo-face person to be gone!!

  5. A split ring? Ouch. I definitely didn’t expect to be reading about an arse examination from the title of your blog. Good show sir 🙂

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