Conversation With My Grandmother

Not my actual Grandmother, she's far too much of a GILF to be related to me...

Grandparents, to some people there’s no one better than a grandparent, whether it be your grandfather who offers you sweets or your grandmother, who offers you sweets…

You are usually blessed with two sets of grandparents, I wasn’t however, my mums parents both died when she was relatively young so I just had my dads side of the family.

I have some fond memories of my grandparents when I was a child, not many though as I didn’t particularly like them all that much, grandmother had a definite drinking problem, which people denied at first though I was the first to point it out, like one year they came over for Christmas, I came down one morning and caught my Gran in my dads liquor cabinet sneakily trying drinks at 7 in the morning, no one believed me though, I was just a child, they say her alcoholism was caused by the harshness of my Grandfather, he wasn’t abusive but a bit of a twat if you know what I mean…

There was one year my Gran disappeared a day before Christmas after she got all stupid after slyly drinking two bottles of wine in the space of an hour when we were all out, stopped at the Chesterfield Hotel and we had to go and pick her up the morning after.

Over the years my Gran eventually gave up drinking and all was well with the world, as recently as last year though my grandfather died of cancer, sad to most though they lived in Scotland so I from the age of 12 onwards, I only saw them once every few years so while it was sad, it didn’t really affect me the way it did the rest of my relatives, since he’s been gone, my Gran lives on her own, she’s only five minutes away from other family though so it’s fine.

A few years back she was diagnosed with early on-set alzheimer’s, over the years you can tell it’s been getting considerably worse, like how two years ago she sent me three Christmas cards, the first one to my cousin Stuart, with no money in it (she usually pops a tenner in it), I get got another one addressed to me, again with no money in it, she then sent me a third with a tenner in it but it was again addressed to Stuart! Daft mare.

Last year I didn’t get a card as I was in France…

She’d often phone our house while my parents aren’t in and I’d have to tell her about three times they’re not in, then she’d say, “Okay bye Fred” at the end of the call.

Fred was Stuarts nickname not mine! Mine was Pickle! (Which is kind of funny because my girlfriends nickname is Pickles, obviously destined to be an item.)

Anyway, that’s the background on my Grandparents, last night at 11pm we get a phone-call, there’s only my mum and me in the house during the week as my Dad works away Monday-Thursday.

I answer the phone as my mums in bed asleep and I am a night owl…

Me: Hello?

Gran: Hello Richard.

Me: No Gran it’s Peter, my dads away until Thursday.

Gran: Ahh hello Peter how are you?

Me: Not too bad, bit late for you though isn’t it?

Gran: Nevermind that, guess what…

Me: What’s that?

Gran: I’ve got alzheimer’s!!

Me: …I know… You’ve had it for three years Gran.

Gran: Have I?! Are you sure?

Me: I am certain.

Gran: Oh… Is Richard there?!

Me: No I’ve just said, he’s away until Thursday, phone him on his mobile.

Gran: Oh no I wouldn’t want to wake him up, it’s late.

Me: But had he been in you’d have… nevermind, alright I’ll tell him you’ve called.

Gran: Okay bye Pickle, love you.

Me: Love you Gran, buh bye!

Kind of feel sorry for her, but I absolutely pissed myself with laughter after that phone call, she has actually lost it.

Anyway, thought I’d share. 🙂

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Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

19 thoughts on “Conversation With My Grandmother”

  1. My nan is about 93 and the conversations can be buttock-clenchingly frustrating when I go round there.

    She will suddenly remember an interesting bit of news or gossip and excitedly tell us all about it. She might actually end up telling us the same bit of news about three or four times in the space of an hour, each time with the same “Oooh, let me tell you something” smile on her face.

    It’s funny and tragic at the same time.

    1. Hah comment rescued from the depths of hell!

      Forget my nan, my mum does that now! So does my girlfriends, I’ll go round and she will tell me something boring, but I’m thrashing her daughter so I listen and be polite, then I’ll go round a couple of days later and she still has that information in her arsenal of conversational topics… =/

  2. It’s very hard watching and taking to people with it, but it’s what you have to do, i found they know more and more about the past and if you sit down and talk to them its the best thing.

    1. Lucky for me she lives about 6 hours away from me in Crail, Scotland so I don’t have to talk to her often.

      Gave up with Facebook so soon Harry? You’re better off.

  3. I’m glad none of my grandparents got Alzeimers, I don’t think I’d have been able to cope. Sorry your gran has it.

        1. Hah I know, I used to have to be careful with my manager sitting behind me n all, but she’s gone now so most of the time I’m free to do what I wish 🙂

  4. My Grandma has Alzeimers too. It’s taken a lot of slyness by both my Grandad and the doctor to eventually get her to agree to go to the hospital to get checked out. The prospect terrifies me though as it is hereditary and if often said to skip a generation. If I find it difficult to keep control of my thoughts now, so I can’t imagine how awful it will be if I get the disease later on in life.

    It’s difficult for my Grandma because she asks the same things repeatedly and each time I feel I have to answer with the same enthusiasm because I’m never sure which answer she’s going to remember. I love her very dearly but I fear for her whenever I go for a visit, so this is why I think it’s great your Grandma is so upbeat 🙂 She sounds lovely.

    1. She is now in her old(er) age lol, if we’re meant to get alzeimers then so be it, me and you shall be having the same conversations on WordPress until we die and that surely cannot be a bad thing! A silver lining in everything Anna =)

  5. I laughed outloud on this one.
    Life is so often humorous in cruel ways.
    Thanks for the giggles, Fred.
    ;D

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