Fractured Mind

This weekend has basically been spent doing nothing, mostly because I need to not spend my money on alcohol every weekend, not until I get out of debt at least but it’s also because I didn’t have the drive to do anything, I have had a feeling of impending doom. I just want this coming week to be over with.

Tuesday I have my dreaded three-month review, I did very well in my 6 week review but that was because my manager loved me, I was her golden boy but now she’s gone and now I’m left with people who don’t think I’m special, I’m just some moody fucker that sits at my desk waiting for the day to end. The reason for my bad mood is the decreasing amount of nicotine entering my body and having to listen to the stupid noises that prick continuously makes.

I’ve been reassured by work mates that I’ll be fine, my review is at 10:30am Tuesday, they said they don’t sack people at the beginning of the day, if they were going to get rid of me they’d wait until last-minute, like this other guy, they moved his review from 10am to 4:30pm and basically told him he wasn’t needed anymore.

But one of my friends at work said they kept extending her probation by about six months, mainly because she admits to being shit at work due to having family problems, she told me not to worry.

But I can’t help it, if it was just with my new manager I’d be fine but the IT Manager will be there and so will the head of Human Resources, a review with THREE people?! Not even my interview had three people! There are reasons that I think I am going, mainly because they lost one of the big contracts, something I wasn’t trained up on to begin with, but the company decided to do their customer service in-house rather than outsourcing to our company, when that goes in March it’s going to be very quiet and there may not be enough work to go around.

Plus we’ve been very quiet lately, that may be due to the fact that it’s nearing the Christmas period and it’ll pick up after New Year, but a majority of my day is spent on the internet. I keep asking for jobs to do but if I have nothing to do and I’m not being told to do anything then what am I to do?

There are reasons I could be staying, such as the prick moving to another department after New Years, someone else left and the Manager took redundancy, so that’s three team members down. Plus I’m the only one that covers calls for the Norwich office when they get too busy, plus I had to do work for my review which my manager has made sure I have done, why would she ask me to do it if she was going to get rid of me?

I haven’t been told I’ve been doing anything wrong for a while now but I mainly get the easy stuff to do, maybe they think there’s no point training me up on anything else because they’ll be getting rid of me soon? I don’t know, just the whole situation with HR being in the meeting aswell as the “upcoming changes to the service desk” and no words of encouragement from my manager is making me very nervous and I’m not in a position to be let go just yet, I can’t get fired, I am on the brink of either getting out of debt or getting deeply back into it should I be let go, this is the first job for a long time that I’ve actually liked.

The thought of going back to being in a call centre taking shit off of the public constantly for 8 hours a day or anything else like that? It makes me sick just thinking about it.

But even if they do something like extend my probation, I will probably start looking for other work. I have done everything that has been asked of me and more and I have done it with excellence so if that hasn’t been good enough for them up to now then there is nothing more I can really do.

My head is all over the place right now, it’s the waiting that’s unbearable, why couldn’t it be tomorrow?!


Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

6 thoughts on “Fractured Mind”

  1. Pete, don’t worry! Worry can be so all-consuming. You just have to think that what will be, will be… but I am sure you will be fine anyway! You always do the work they ask you to do and so there is no reason at all within your work to let you go. The only reason they would possibly let you go is if the company is downsizing, and then it’s not your fault. In which case it would be terrible, of course, but at least then it’s out of your control. You’ve done nothing to even be considered to be fired; you are an asset to the company- remember being told that you were better than that idiot? So if HE managed to get a promotion, no way would they fire YOU!

    I know it’s easy for me to say, but try not to worry. Looking for work is always a good idea anyway because it’s nice to know what’s out there if you ever wanted to go for it, but I don’t think you need to be worried about it- I’d hire you! 🙂

    1. I know, I usually say to myself, no point worring about it, if they’re gonna get rid of you, nothing you have do about it now. I just really want to stay at this job.

      There are more reasons to keep me than to get rid of me, but if I have it in my mind I’m staying I’ll be absolutely devasted when they tell me they’re getting rid of me, I’m sure I’ll be fine, as my work mate said, who gets fired at half ten on a Tuesday morning?

      Thank you Anna, you always know what to say 🙂

      1. I’m exactly the same: expect the worst and you won’t be disappointed, but you might be suprised! Let us know how you get on anyway 🙂

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