The Job Centre

The one day everyone fears. The one day every unemployed person tries to avoid. Signing up to the Job Centre.

In the past (and even in the present) I have tried to avoid signing up to the Job Centre in the past. Mainly because it’s just been a massive waste of fucking time. If you quit a job then you get a letter through the post saying “your claim may be affected.” And if you get fired from a job then you get a letter saying “your claim may be affected.”

Is there any way of leaving work where your claim isn’t affected? I suppose if it’s just a temporary contract. In any case whether I’ve been fired or quit it shouldn’t matter, I need this money so I can actually live. I pay my taxes and I am actually looking for work, these people that claim any benefits they can who don’t look for work are the ones who should be chastised. You know who these people are. Chavs mainly.

For anyone that doesn’t live in the UK and doesn’t know what a chav is, they’re the scruffy looking fuckers that hang outside McDonald’s in a big group without actually buying anything from there. Unless they buy a burger but then that’s only throw the components at the window. The type of people that stand outside the job centre holding a can of Stella in their hand.

This always perplexes me, why do they stand outside the JOB CENTRE gulping down a can of Stella? First off, it’s illegal to drink on the streets where I live and secondly, if you’re looking for work or have an interview with an advisor do you not think it best you don’t go in smelling of alcohol? Please, please, please end your own life before I’m forced to do it for you. I can’t help but look at these people and think, “I’m better than you are. We don’t belong in the same room.”

Today when I went in there were three of these idiots stood outside, one of them goes to me;

“Excuse me mate, you ‘ant got a spare rollie av ya?”

“Sorry pal, I don’t smoke.” I said as I flicked my cigarette on the floor in front of him. Usually I’m happy to oblige, but not when it’s someone who is just a skidmark on the underpants of society.

Even though I have signed up to the Job Centre in the past, I haven’t actually claimed any money from them for years. Usually right around the time I sign up to the job centre is the time I start finding work. The last time I signed up I had an interview the same time I was meant to sign on. The Job Centre didn’t believe that I went for an interview and requested the number for the company I applied for. I didn’t give it to them because the last thing a company needs is for the Job Centre to ring them and bothering them about an interviewee. How does that look on me as a prospective candidate?

I have only had bad experiences with the job centre.

Today I went in, thankfully it was quick and painless. Mainly because the woman I saw couldn’t be bothered. It’s Friday, she’s been talking to deadbeats all week. In the past I get the people that like to do things by the book, print me out job searches, job searches I have found online already. Try and make me apply to jobs I don’t want. “Why don’t you want to do sales?”

“Because I hate sales.”

“Yeah but it’s a job.”

“Indeed. But I want a job where I’m not going to go insane and go on a murderous rampage.”

Today I went in and told her to take contact centres off the list as well as it’s not what I’m looking for any more. She had me sign all the documentation I have to sign and I was out in 30 minutes. Probably the quickest I’ve been there actually. I’m hoping I find a job real soon because going there every week is embarrassing. I only sign up to that place as an extra kick up the arse to find work. There’s no better way of letting you know you’ve hit rock bottom when you’re sat in the waiting area next to some spotty chavette with a baby dressed in Burberry complete with cap. The child’s already a crack addict in the making.

Let’s hope I do well at Toyota next Thursday if I don’t find anything by then.

Also when you get a chance, read the new story I’ve written over at The Writing Asylum entitled:


A true story about yours truly.


Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

26 thoughts on “The Job Centre”

  1. I think a deliberate policy of treating claimants like criminal cattle helps preserve their coffers. Got to pay the bankers!
    Good post

  2. I’m sure there are pleasant folk working there but I’ve yet to meet any. Maybe they’re like traffic wardens: the job just attracts cunts!

  3. I feel yah man… You mean you actually have to go there once a week?? That’s not good. It’s bad enough you gotta sign up, let alone constantly be reminded that you’re signed up.

    As we spoke of before, Looking for Work, sucks

    Keep your head up

    Remember, you’re a Jedi… So as long as you got your Bathrobe and your Light Sabre, you’re doing alright…

    You didn’t hock em did yah? Eh, you can still make shit fly around if you did.


    1. It’s once every two weeks actually thinking about it but still it’s still bad. They give you a book to fill in too where you have to list at least three things a week you’ve done to look for a job lmao.

  4. It’s funny, right when I read “chav” I thought to myself “what the hell is that?” another British word I have to decifer…. Which is pretty fun mostly 🙂 But then in the next sentence you told me, so thank you 🙂 I do so enjoy your mean streak. 😀 We have various similar “wastes” that go by many names… I guess every county does.

    Good luck, I hope the Toyota position pulls through for ya. Even though you said it’s hard work – if the pay is good sometimes the sweat seems well worth it. 🙂 Right? At least on payday. 😉

      1. Lol! It’s alright it just makes your comment colourful 🙂 A chav usually wears either a cap or a hoodie or both. A cap with his hood over the top. (Never with his hood up with a cap over the top though hah).

      2. I couldn’t reply after you…

        Ah… yes, there’s a lot of that here. Pretty much every boy between the ages of say 15 and 20, and then some. 🙂 Pants with their ass hanging out?? I know the ones.


  5. Things have changed then on the dole.
    I signed every two weeks, on my little form i filled firms names i got in the phone book, and said i phoned a few, its up to them to check they never do.

    The best of luck with Toyota it could be the best thing for you.

    1. Ah sorry I meant every two weeks. With the little book to list what you’ve been doing to look for a job, I normally forget about it until the day before I have to go and sign on then I have to rush at 3 in the morning listing things to put down haha.

  6. When I lived in Canterbury, there were always chavs hanging around the job centre right next to sainsburys. One time I was walking to get groceries and I was wearing a skirt and one of them said ” oi! Put some trousers on! It ain’t summa!”
    Scarred me for life.

  7. Yeah, they scare me as well. So hopeless and trashy and self defeated. It’s sad really. Did you ever see that movie with Michael Caine, Harry Brown? That’s how I think of them. Is it because they keep getting government hand outs? What’s the deal?

    I don’t think we necessarily have the equivalent here? Sure, we have the same type of drug addicts in the ghettos but they don’t harass people like they do in Britain. Unless you go into their neighborhoods and really, why would you?

    1. Yeah that’s basically what they are! Although in my area they just think they’re gangsta when in fact they’re just scrawny little white boys who don’t know how to dress properly. Even though they seem to lack intelligence they seem to get their benefits over deserving people like me.

  8. ‘Please, please, please end your own life before I’m forced to do it for you’

    I basically stood up and applauded you when I read this part. Vladimir the hamster is looking at me funny…

    I really hope it goes well for you at Toyota, and besides, I’m sure something will turn up! We all have the utmost confidence in you, Pete. And at least you’re out there trying to find a job. Look, and something will come. It’s a motto that applies to most things: jobs, houses, and badgers too.


    1. Haha thank you 😀 I hope Toyota is alright, I don’t really fancy the extensive travel to work every day though if I do get it. But it’ll do for now, I am determined to get out of my feckin overdraft!

      And congrats on your 100th comment on my blog 😛

      1. Yay 100 comments!

        You’re just one ahead of DarkJade on 54 on my blog… the first one to 100 gets a free toaster!

  9. LOL I hate sales as well! Sadly, at the moment, telemarketing jobs are all that seem to be hiring!

    Telemarketing makes me want to punch people, plus some consumers are way too rude! Someone actually told me he wants to kill me. 😐

    Good luck with your interview! I hope you get the job!

    1. I had people to end my own life and the lot when I did sales, and being told to feck off 8 hours a day wasn’t good.

      Still I was a top seller for e.on in the country, and that’s where that belongs, in the past tense

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