Today has been a day off from work after they let me know last-minute as they needed someone in Friday evening and the only person available would be some Swedish bird that’s due to start on Thursday. So I’ve pretty much laid around and done nothing today.
Then I realised it was January and my phone is due for an upgrade. Up until now I had a HTC Desire which I bought off eBay and collected it off of a shady Asian man behind a hotel in Sheffield. I had a flick through the phone when I got it and they forgot to delete text messages such as, “My cock is so hard” and “I need to buy some bud.”
So I gave it a good wiping and was in awe how much better it was than the Sony Ericsson Satio.
I headed off to the o2 shop in the town centre and upgraded it to a HTC Sensation XE (with Audio Beats technology by Dr Dre… which means absolutely nothing to me) which pretty much works the same as the Desire but is a little bit bigger, a little bit nicer and has upgraded hardware in side. That’s basically my entire day.
As it’s my day off I was looking on the forums and saw that Raincoaster interview Julian Assange’s mother, I didn’t know who he was until she mentioned it. The founder of WikiLeaks apparently, I haven’t been there so why would I know who he was? Anyway I was thinking about the “celebrities” I have met and how people act around them.
If you see someone famous you would probably find yourself star struck. You maintain that you wouldn’t but the moment you met someone you’ve seen on the TV or heard on the Radio you are overcome with emotion and it makes you look like a right dick.
The few celebrities I have met, I haven’t experienced this. Though I haven’t met any mega star Johnny Depp-Brad Pitt type character.
The first celebrity I did “meet” was Coolio.
He was doing a gig in Chesterfield at the one and only nightclub we seem to have these days and I thought as Gangsters Paradise is one of my all time favourite songs, I’d go and see him.
In the gig we had to wait AGES for him to come on, we got there early, sort of around 10pm or something. He came on near enough midnight. A girl I knew dragged me to the front of the crowd, there was literally just a fence between me and Coolio.
He’s there singing some songs that we’d never heard of, badly. Then he starts high fiving people at the front, I stick out my hand like everyone else. He high fives the girl I was with then gets to me, takes a look at me then slaps me full blast in the face! Then carries on high fiving the others at the front. What a fucking prick. Then the bouncers started glaring at me to see if I was going to do anything. Yeah I’m going to hop the barrier and get my head kicked in by the 15 black fella’s he was standing with.
Then he started singing Gangsters Paradise while someone played along to the song with a saxophone. Sounded terrible, so I started booing loudly and eventually others joined in. Then we started a “You’re Shit And You Know You Are” chant. Coolio glanced at me, I flipped him the middle finger and left.
He stayed at the Ibis Hotel that night before I started working there and the people I used to work with said he was prick then too. He goes on about how he doesn’t like drugs yet the room was filled with burnt out spliffs.
Screw you Coolio.
It was soon after then I started working at Ibis Hotel in Chesterfield, while X Factor was on we all used to have a break and watch it with the guests, sad I know. But it beat doing any work. The thing was, after someone got booted off the X Factor the company that owned Escapades night club in Chesterfield had them tour their venues and put them up in Accor hotels a week later. The first girl band that was booted off a couple of years ago came to stay at Ibis Chesterfield, Kandy Rain I think they were called, they were accompanied by Brian McFadden.
For those that live outside of the UK, he was a former member of the Irish boyband, Westlife. He left the band to pursue a failed singles career and eventually married a Kerry Katona who pursued a failed singles career after leaving Atomic Kitten. The two divorced and Katona started going off the rails.
At first I didn’t recognize him, I was too distracted by how annoying Kandy Rain were and the fact that my colleagues kept asking me to take a photo of them standing with them. They had problems getting into the room because they couldn’t work the key card. McFadden and I talked about apples in the lift. I said I was a Granny Smith man myself. Yet he informed me that Pink Lady apples were the best as he then chomped into an apple.
I let them into their rooms then went back downstairs. It was only then I was told who he was. I’m rubbish at recognizing people. While the girls were getting ready for their gig McFadden came downstairs for a beer. I served him at the bar and had a normal casual chat with him. He was a genuinely nice guy. He asked me why I was wearing a wrist brace, I told him it was from the punching bags in the pubs that test your strength, I hit the bag then hit the back of the machine and broke two fingers and my wrist. (True story) He called me a “feckin’ eejit” and we both had a laugh together.
The girls went to do their gig at the night club, McFadden came down for what he thought was a quiet smoke around midnight but we had a load of guests that worked for various Tesco’s in, they all mobbed him and badgered him, almost raping him. He was not pleased as he had literally just woken up. The guests went mental, they were starstruck. Such idiots.
I saved him and pulled him outside where we both had a quiet smoke together. He thanked me and went back upstairs. The day after when I got to work and they had gone on to Blackpool I found a Pink Lady Apple, compliments of Brian McFadden in my tray at work in the back office. Extremely nice guy.
I met many more X Factor rejects over the weeks too but they just weren’t celebrities in my eyes. Just someone who couldn’t win a singing competition.
Probably the biggest celebrity I’ve ever come into contact with was a couple of years ago. I used to be an avid attendee of WWE shows when they came to England. In the April of 2008 I was lucky enough to make my way to ringside during an event, it’s obviously the fans job to give the wrestlers some insults or cheers whenever they’re near by.
Occasionally the wrestlers will respond for effect. During the event I got spat on by… Triple H.
He’s basically the future owner of the WWE as he’s married to Vince McMahon’s daughter. He was at ringside with his trademark bottle of water, I was yelling obscenities at him. Not because I hate him but because I was hoping he would realise how awesome I was and give me a job. I think at some point I told him to suck my cock. He took a massive mouthful of his water and sprayed it right in my face.
He then carried on about his business and kicked someone’s ass. The fans around me cheered when I got a faceful of warm water, it was all part of the moment. I wasn’t angry, I was privileged! Later on that year, November time they came back to England (they generally do twice a year) to the same arena, Manchester M.E.N arena. I managed to get seats near the front again.
I thought I’d do the same thing by giving HHH some shit when he came down. He came down, I gave him some insults. I could have sworn he remembered me because he did the exact same thing to me spraying me and about 6 people stood around me then gave me a knowing wink before going into the ring. After he had his match he came over and high-fived me before playing up the crowd. I think this is the only moment I felt slightly starstruck or maybe I just thought it was cool. Mainly because he remembered me. Either that or he always spits water in the face of the fans at events and I was just lucky to get spat on twice? I don’t know.
I’ve met a few more “celebrities” though they’re not really that famous outside the UK. Like banning darts playing legend Eric Bristow from Ibis Chesterfield for smoking in the room everytime he visits, Tom Baker who played the Fourth Doctor from Doctor Who when I was but a young child when he stayed at the Chesterfield Hotel. (My mum used to work there.)
Gave English comedian Jason Manford a man hug after his gig in Chesterfield and had my photo with him and lastly I once gave Ed Minton from the rock band Elliot Minor a cigarette outside a club.
In any case, whether you meet celebrities or not. Have your photo with them sure, but don’t go over the top with emotion. You just come off looking like an idiot and even if they’re nice or not, they’re really only normal people. You do get those people that are up their own arse just because they are “famous” but they don’t deserve to be in my opinion. So you’re in the papers, good for you. You’re still a regular person like me and everyone else. The only difference is, you’re a prick. (I’m looking at you Coolio.)
Have you ever met anyone remotely famous before? If so, I wanna know!