Payment Protection Insurance

The thing that’s pissing me off royally at the moment is something we Brit’s call, Payment Protection Insurance. It’s an add on insurance people take out when they take out a loan from the bank and in most cases these insurance things have turned out to be mis-sold. In April 2011 the courts ruled in favour of the customer/consumer.

Now what we have had since then is a bunch of idiotic, stupid, annoying cold callers from far, far too many companies. Television adverts are enough, paper adverts are enough. Now you get called and you have an automated message telling you how you may have been mis-sold PPI insurance, press 5 to talk to an operator or press 9 to have your number removed.

You press 9 and the line goes dead, not really knowing if it’s worked or not because if you press nothing, it goes dead anyway. I used to get them all the time when I worked at my last dreadful job, I used to just press 5 to go through to an operator and try and book a taxi. You know, waste their time like they’ve wasted mine.

Then I got told off for doing that. Not only that but I’ve been having calls at obscene times during the morning and night to my mobile. I don’t give out my mobile number to anyone but friends, I don’t register it to online competitions or anything of the like. So how these fuckers got my phone number is beyond me.

I used to just ignore the calls but I know how cold calling works, if you don’t answer and tell them you’re not interested you will keep getting called over and over as they keep your number in the system.

I answered the phone once and this guy told me how I was able to claim for mis-sold PPI based on a loan I’d taken over the last ten years.

Quite an opening pitch, except I’d never taken out a loan ever in my life.

Me: Oh yeah? That’s funny because I’ve never taken out a loan.

Cold Caller: You what? You’ve not had a loan out? It’s like over the last ten years on a loan of up to a grand?

Me: Mate, I’ve never had a loan.

Cold Caller: Are you sure?

Me: Are you fucking dense? I’d know if I’d have taken out a loan, I don’t need to take out a loan and I never had. I make enough money to ensure that I don’t need to take out a loan.

Cold Caller: Oh right, must have our information wrong…

Me: Fuck off, I’ve done cold calling before, I’m surprised if you even know my name. Do me a favour, one call centre agent to another and take my number off the database.

Cold Caller: Alright mate no worries.

And that was that, the man seemed to have kept to his word and I haven’t received a call since. I’m wise to all types of cold calling.

We keep getting these automated messages on our phone at work as well, on the reception number. Yesterday I got two one after another, the first one I pressed five rather than hanging up like everyone else does. I went through to someone and told him to remove this number as it’s a business it keeps calling. He apologized and said he would then hung up.

Straight after that, another one, I did the same thing. A woman answered…

Woman: Have you ever claimed PPI before?

Me: Listen love, this is a business, can you remove our number?

Woman: Can’t do that I’m afraid, if you wanted your number removing you should have fucking pressed nine.


Yes, that is exactly what she said verbatim. She fucking swore at me and slammed the phone down, the cheeky dirty slag! It’s not like I could ring the number back either as 1471 doesn’t work on business phones. I sat there seething with anger and punched my monitor. I hope she contracts AIDs and dies alone the horrible little tart.

So today, I told my work colleague that if we get any more of those calls, put them through to me and I will destroy them. Sure enough one came through, I pressed five and just started yelling at the girl at the other end of the phone until she hung up. Anyone that works for any of these companies deserves everything they get.

If people have been mis-sold PPI then it’s up to the people to give them a call, not being overrun by call centres bothering the general public and businesses constantly about something most people haven’t even indulged in. And I certainly don’t appreciate people questioning me on whether I’ve taken a loan out or not.


Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

26 thoughts on “Payment Protection Insurance”

    1. I’ve never gotten any Indian ones, but if I get any cold callers I either yell at them or I string them along for ages them tell them to fuck off. But that’s only when I’m bored haha.

  1. That sounds truly awful! At least here, the phone company will not let calls with blocked numbers go through. And if that doesn’t work, the answering machine usually takes care of annoying telemarketers, as it cuts in on the fourth ring. I guess we have it lucky here in Canada; not many companies use the phone anymore. They just try to sucker you in on the internet.

    1. These aren’t even blocked numbers though, they’re like “0845” numbers, which will mean nothing to you but if you try calling the number back you just get a pre-recorded message then and then it cuts off. Truly annoying, these sort of companies should be banned.

      1. Yeah. And those 0845 numbers aren’t free, so you’re effectively paying to get them to take off something they shouldn’t have had access to in the first place! We should be grateful they’re not 0870 or 0900 numbers That’s where you really start paying.

  2. I feel your pain. Some company called, Asia Pacific, calls me twice a day. When I pick up, there’s no one there. So I hang up. UGH!!! It’s beyond annoying. I want to reach into the phone and strangle someone! Haha!

    1. Is it a recorded message? What do they want? It makes me wonder how these people managed to sell things before the telephone was invented. I suppose they just knocked on your door…

  3. Oh do you know of a company that sounds a lot like LowLife? :p it is a major north american insurance company and they used to buy their numbers from banks. Unethical? Yes! but it happens! So I suppose that’s how these places are getting your contact information!

    OH MY GOD! she swore at you? That’s so fucking retarded!

    1. Yeah I’m sure the phone companies over here and whatnot sell their details too. Completely untraceable.

      Yeah she swore at me and I couldn’t swear back at her!

      1. Dang it! it would have been so much more fun if you had sworn back at her! LOL

        Well yes they do! Cold calling sucks!

  4. We don’t have that here… And I’m really happy about that.

    I like to tell the cold caller “sounds good” and if they can hold a moment, then just set the phone down 🙂 Their time is money so best thing I can think of. I HATE being hung up on and not getting the last word so pursuing an argument sets me up for that… Wasting their time is more satisfying for me. 😀

    I wouldn’t want to be in the angry end of your phone 🙂


    1. Haha, when I get cold calls now I’ll go through it all the way to the end until they ask for credit card details then I’ll give them a fake number and when they tell me it’s wrong I’ll just get angry with them for being useless and hang up.

  5. I laughed so hard reading this that I almost choked on my toast. I love cold-callers! My boyfriend keeps getting them and one day when they called, I answered, and when they asked for him, I told them that he’d been killed in a speedboating accident. Now he doesn’t allow me to take his calls anymore. SADFACE.

  6. I don’t get how the average person can be working at these places and not think “Geez I’m an asshole.” Good for you showing up that woman on the other end. Cursing at someone over the phone is a dream of many.

  7. About 25 years ago i took a PPI out with a bank for a small loan, 9 months later i was laid of, they would not pay up a waste of time. I never take them out for anything now.
    As for cold callers, i string them along but i do it talking to them, i love them ones who try to sell BT PC security, who don’t work for BT, they don’t have a clue.

    1. Exactly, it’s the banks fault why these things exist now, because it was just another way to scam people.

      No cold caller works for the company they claim to do, I never used to work for E.On but I claimed I did lol. You’re just sat in front of a phone and given a script to read from, it’s a terrible job to have which is why a lot of them pay well. But the thought of calling people up for 9 solid hours still makes my stomach turn.

      1. It must be one of the worst jobs i can think of, about an hour would do me and i would walk out.

        And you won’t believe this, i got a call from England about PPI at 2.30PM to-day.

        I let him go on for about 10 minutes, i said ok sometimes, and then i stopped and told him, no loans, no credit cards, no mortage, dept free, so he was nice said sorry and went away.

      2. I don’t even know where these people get their numbers from, it’s all on some database somewhere that gets sold to every single company for a lot of money.

  8. These calls are relentless where I work right now, no matter how many times they are told to “get fucked” they ring back?!. My colleague took a phone call from one of these firms, he told the woman to remove the number and she said she’d do it right away. Next day the same company phones again, this time I answered and made it crystal clear that we are a business therefor they’re wasting their time and money along with ours so remove the bloody number!! 3 days later the same company rings up, I lose it with them this time and tell the guy that I work for a company that’s in the top 100 most profitable companies in the world today and that if they phone back one more time I’l inform the legal team of their harrassment and as a result sue the fuck out of them! I thought this had worked until 2 weeks later the SAME fucking company rings back! I had lost the will to live by this point and verbally exploded down the phone! I kept this guy called Tom on the phone and as he was talking me through the procedure I was Googling their call centres address. As soon as I found it I stopped Tom talking and told him that if him or anyone else phones this number again, I’l enter the reception, ask for them by name and when they come through the door I’l smash their fucking teeth in! It’s not in my nature to lose it like this but enough was enough! Want to know the irony of all this? I was paid a visit by two coppers who claimed a complaint had been made by this company for threats that had been made towards their staff?!!! Un-fucking-believeable! I hope everyone who works for these companies dies a slow and painful death, preferrably with a phone crammed up their arse!

    1. Hahahaha that’s amazing. They don’t have a clue these companies and they should be sued for harassment, I still get them at my job and I just press five then scream at them down the phone then hang up. Or sometimes if I’m bored I’ll let them go through the process and then right at the end I’ll go “Yeah anyway, I’ve wasted enough of your time now I’m going for a piss” and leave them steaming on the other end of the phone. You could be Ghandi and you’d still get pissed off with those calls.

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