“Motherf**ker”

The Millennium Dome!

What a weekend that was! Far too much alcohol and walking followed by being giving a drunken lapdance from a dirty sweaty rock chick.

Got down to London just after 3pm to the Etap hotel only to realise that Phil booked the wrong hotel and we were actually in the Travelodge, we had a disagreement in the lift about this as we were meant to be in two 3-person rooms but ended up in two 2-person rooms with a couch. Although we soon came to realise that it was a better hotel in the end as we overlooked London City airport.

Never seen a plane fly so close over my head, it was sort of cool. On the way to the pub we just stood a while and watched planes flying over head. Friday night was just a major epic fail.

Started the night out at the casino where I lost £20, feeling the need to bet more I thought better of it and decided not to. After all I had just gotten out of my overdraft. Though the rest of the boys lost quite a bit more than I did apart from dippy Warren who won about £75 after betting on a number next to the one I told him to bet on hah!

Funny though how I went to a crowded Roullette table and said, “I’m feeling 16.” and suddenly 8 different people all started betting big money on number 16 only for it to come out 15!

Overpriced Jagermeisters.

After that we hit some way expensive bars, walking around London… Well, put it this way, in Chesterfield I feel like a big fish in a small pond. In London I felt like a big fish in a shark tank. It’s a stupidly massive place, filled with drug dealers, rockers, rappers, posh people and cockneys. Sometimes all in one bar!

I had far too many Jagerbombs then ended up in o2 Academy. Pretty good in there actually although heavily overpriced. But it played good music so all was good. A hot girl tried kissing me, but cheating is not my thing so I dodged her like a bullet and went off to the bar. Poor thing must have felt so rejected.

Then dippy Warren managed to pull some flakey bint and ended up back at her house at the end of the night where he supposidly had sex with her four times. I’m lucky to get it once a week at the moment. Lucky bastard.

After we left the o2 though me and Jake were walking around for ages trying to find a bus to take us back to our hotel, ended up meeting Phil who had to be pulled away from trying it on with this American/Irish girl that wasn’t interested in him and because it was so cold decided to just get a (overpriced) taxi back to the hotel.

Flagged one down, he stops and asks us where we’re going. We tell him London City Airport as our hotel is right near it and he goes, “Nah mate, not my route, fuck off.”

So I go, “What do you mean it’s not your route? You’re a taxi driver, your route is whatever I fucking say it is.”

He goes to drive off so I punch the side of his taxi, he stops and gets out to check to see if I damaged it and goes “You’re lucky.”

“What do you mean I’m fucking lucky?” I said, before he threatened to karate kick me by doing a variety of wierdo moves in the middle of the road, so I walk at him and he gets back in the taxi and pisses off. Minutes later another taxi arrives and we get in, he’s sound enough and agrees to take us to our destination for £30.

Knowing that our hotel is near an Esso petrol station, Jake orders the taxi driver to stop when he sees one at a roundabout. We stop and get out and wonder why the taxi driver looks confused as he drives off before we realised… It was the wrong petrol station.

Jake had gotten us dropped off 3 miles away from our hotel at 4:40am in the middle of nowhere right next to the o2 Arena (Millennium Dome). They decided to go and sit in the cafe at the petrol station for a bit and decide what to do. I had had enough and walked towards a sign pointed in the direction of London City Airport and walked off. They both thought I was deffo going to get lost due to my sense of direction being crap and the fact that it was -5 degree’s and all I had one was a short sleeved t-shirt and a thin hooded top.

I was freezing my ass off walking all the way back, though after 50 entire minutes of pure speed walking and several cigarettes later I made it back to the Travelodge! I had never been so happy to see such a poor depressing hotel chain. I thought they were going to get a taxi back and they’d be back first but I ended up getting back first and they arrived 20 minutes later after they sprinted most of the way.

It was about 6am before I finally got to sleep.

Not wanting to wake up at 10am to go and watch Manchester United vs. Liverpool at the otherside of London I stayed in bed with Jake (we shared a double, though no funny business went off so get those thoughts out of your head) until 2:30pm, my legs were almost dead due to the walking I did the night before.

However we went to go and meet the rest of the lads in Camden Town, the tubes weren’t working for some reason so we got on a replacement bus service. Ended up missing our spot, I asked Jake if we should get off, he said no as it’ll go back round on it’s bus route…

It didn’t. It just kept on going for miles until we decided to just get off at Canary Wharf I think it was… Just miles away from where we needed to be.

We walked for hours non-stop trying to find our way back to Canning Town which is where we were meant to go for a train ride to Camden but it just didn’t happen. I don’t even know where we ended up. We did get to have a look around at some of the big buildings which is what I wanted to do but I didn’t fancy doing this much walking in the freezing cold!

After about three hours of walking we had to get three train rides to where we were meant to be. Then walk to the Roundhouse where we were going to see Brand New. But we made it in the end and Brand New played all their best songs and more.

Some girls to the left of me, I don’t know if they were lesbo’s or whatever but one of them kept rubbing up and down me, not on purpose… And it’d be alright if she wasn’t so feckin sweaty! I closed my eyes for a few moments and it was alright, then I opened them and she was the first thing I saw. I swapped places with my mate Rich and get him have a turn.

After the gig finished we went back to the hotel without incident this time and got back to the hotel for 1am.

It’s funny London, it reminded me a lot of Hong Kong, just the huge amount of night life, the random food stalls (which were AWESOME), being offered cocaine by some 7 foot black guy… the random shops selling crap and the fact that no one spoke English

In A Row Of Amazingly Nice Houses... This Shit Hole Was In The Middle

Seriously, I understood Chinese better than I understood Cockney.

Sunday arrived and after having some lunch at this pub nearby we headed back on a three hour drive back to Chesterfield (driven by me) without crashing and dying and my Sunday evening has been spent recovering!

Mental weekend with far, far too much walking. Saturday afternoon was a bit of a waste due to the large amount of unneeded walking, could have been spent drinking but by the time we made it to where we were going we couldn’t bothered to drink, and my feet were sore which reminded me of being back at Leeds Festival.

Definitely worth it, spent far too much though. But hey, I deserve a lavish weekend!



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Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

22 thoughts on ““Motherf**ker””

  1. Thanks for this Pete! I felt like I was right there with you. The 3 mile walk at 4:00 in the morning sounds like the most awful thing in the world. I even got a bit of a chill sitting here reading it! Burrrr… haha!
    I’ve had my fair share of unfortunate weekends like that. I’m just glad you had fun and made some memories without wasting all of your money!!!
    LOVE the concert footage…perfect!!

    1. That walk was the worst ever, it was so cold I couldn’t get warm at all. It’s a good job I found my way back because otherwise I’d have probably have given up and frozen to death haha.

      I didn’t waste all of my money, I did however make my friend draw out £200 by slamming the button on the cash machine. Mwahahaha!

  2. The walk does sound awful, but as I remember, there’s a lot of walking involved in London. I would always go out, with no coat, in some stupid little dress and walk everywhere at night and have to thaw when I came home because I was so frozen.
    Seems like it was a good London adventure that you had! I liked seeing you in the video! I was thinking about doing a video just because it’s so weird to not know what people really look like!

    1. Have you not seen me covered in shaving foam? That’s what I look like on a day to day basis haha. You should do a video then I can imagine your future posts in your voice 😀 I didnt mind walking but damn there was a lot of it and for no reason, so different from Chesterfield, doesnt matter where I am, I only have to walk for ten minutes and Im somewhere I know. Over there, no chance.

  3. Glad ya ‘ad a Robin Hood weekend and glad ya weren’t killed! Guess ya won’t Crust of Bread into london anytime soon, eh?!

    Cheers Mate! 🙂

  4. I laughed so hard at this! ‘he threatened to karate kick me by doing a variety of wierdo moves in the middle of the road’ actually made me LOL, much to the suprise and disgust of everyone else in my office 😀

    Beautiful pictures, and it sounds like you had an awesome if not a horrendously tiring time. I laughed so much that I look a bit demented. Huzzah!

    1. Haha! You should have seen him, it was like he was fending off a bee attack! Then the moment I took a few steps forward he almost dived through the window of his door and got the fuck outta there!

  5. I was laughing hard at your London adventure. You were in my neck of the woods (The Docklands, particularly Canary Wharf) and I’m glad you enjoyed it, but here’s something to remember for your next trip (aside from bringing as much money with you as you can carry. London’s not cheap):

    1. Your travel woes were due to engineering works. You’re lucky you only had to deal with it once. We, in Londinium, have had to deal with parts of our tube system, sometimes whole tube lines, being knocked out every weekend for THREE YEARS.

    2. Haven’t you heard the old joke about London black cab drivers not taking passengers South of the river? It’s not a joke, it’s true. But you were already South of the river: he didn’t have a leg to stand on. And he wouldn’t have done for sure if you’d knocked him out. Good for the other guy who knew which side his (£30) bread was buttered and (almost) took you back to the hotel.

    All the countries of the world are mixed into this soup and although at times it drives me insane I wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Thank you for visiting London. Do come again.

    .

    1. Haha the people I found it hardest to understand was the bloody English themselves! Someone called me a “Fackin Kant” so I put on a thick Yorkshire accent at him and said “THA FOOKIN WA?” he turned out to be sound though 🙂

      Why dont they take you south of the river though? It’s madness, how are people meant to get home?

      Take a shitty public transport or drive and get charged for congestion, well there wouldn’t be any congestion if they sorted their shit out! Seems I was near everybodies place in London haha.

      There was a funny bit where we were following this couple and they went through these gates into an apartment area, followd them in there and I shouted “WHERES THAT FUCKING COUPLE GONE?!”

      They were only stood to my left trying to get the key in the door as quick as possible hahaha. I just put my head down and carried on walking. Definitely gonna stick to the North.

  6. Reblogged this on The Dark Globe and commented:
    In case you were wondering how our 9th Judge was spending his Weekend, in order to Prepare for the Rigorous Task of Choosing Winners in the Three Categories of Our Dark Globe February Shoot Off! Wonder No More…

    DarkJade-

  7. I gotta be honest with yah Pete, those are some Amazing Photos… Don’t go Blowen yer Mum’s Golden Egg now, lol

    Sounds like a hell of an Adventure, ah to be 26 again, lol

    Reblogged yah on TDG, Tried to Change the Title, but didn’t work, ha… Was just goina call it “Our 9th Judge”, no biggy though… Hopefully Our Readers put away the Kiddy’s before they Read our site, ha

    Great Post

    We could really use a Band Review if you want to do a Review on that Band on TDG, your call

    DarkJade-

  8. Ah, London! I can remember far too many long walks to and from Camden. Thank goodness for youth!

  9. Your life couldn’t be more the opposite of mine haha

    Why would a 7’0 black guy be selling coke? He’s got two things going for me to be a big sports star in the US. The man must never have heard of basketball.

    I also like that you turned down the hot girl. Whatever your reason was, I like putting them in their place.

    1. Well he asked me if I had any coke, then when I said no, he asked me if I wanted any, so I jogged on after that.

      Any my reason was, I didn’t want a swift kicking from the girlfriend haha

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