Never Again

If there’s always been a phrase that’s bound to make you a liar it’s, “I’m never drinking again.”

5pm came at work on Friday, it was long awaited as it had been one of the most stressful days ever since I’ve been there. Thanks to Michelle there was a ton of unfinished work that needed doing which I got Swedish to do, but with her embroiled in that there was no one to help me with the list of stuff I had to do.

Phones ringing, people asking for me while I’m still on the phone to a customer while at the same time trying to answer an e-mail to another customer and trying to answer a customers question on live chat. My head was literally in meltdown, I came so close to just getting up and walking out. I punched a stapler, that’s how stressed I was. My manager came and gave me a hug to calm me down, I do like a hug.

But it was like that all day, Michelle had well and truly screwed us over there. Not even little Kirsty coming up and saying hello could put a smile on my face. But I got through it and I got in my car at the end of the day, gave my manager a lift home and went to a petrol station.

There was a sign there that said, “Please. £10 Maximum.”

Fuck off, who goes to a petrol station to put £10 worth of petrol in your car? I banged £40 worth in. Went in to pay and the bloke behind the counter said, “Can’t you read the sign! TEN POUNDS ONLY!”

I said, “You’ve got two options, pretend I’ve been round four times or just charge me a tenner. Up to you.” He grumbled to himself and pretended I went round four times. Stupid dumbass.

Then I raced to Sheffield, dropped the car off at my mates place and got a taxi to the centre of Sheffield to get absolutely hammered. Alex was on a mission to get me drunk too it seemed as he bought all of my drinks for pretty much the entire night, beer after beer after beer.

He was on a works night out and everyone he works with pretty much knows me anyway, random people coming up to me, people I’ve never seen before going, “Hey… Are you ‘Ard Pete?”

It was funny, apparently my friends that work there talk about me all the time. Yet somehow I’ve always failed to get a job there.

Later on in the night we moved to cheap cocktails and then on to rum… ugh rum.

I had never drank so much rum in one night before and I probably will never again. It got to about 11:30pm and I went and threw up in the toilets in one of the pubs, it had to be done, all of that beer made me terribly bloated. I came back out and was forced to drink more rum. Carried on with my night, saw a girl I used to work with at Ventura where I did data entry. I had always had my eye on her, but naturally I have a girlfriend so I never did anything.

She came up to me and started talking, for the first time and it was good. Then she said, “What’s that smell?”

To which I replied, “Oh that’ll be me, I’ve just been sick.”

That sort of killed the conversation and I staggered back to the bar to get more rum.

Then later on in the night after downing half a pint of rum with a hint of cola me and Alex went out for a cigarette. Instantly I knew I had to be sick again, walked off around the corner of the pub and projectile vomited all over the pavement. I felt like such a tramp, I was trying to get behind the building before I exploded but it was no good. Then when I got behind the building I threw my lungs up. Then Alex came around the corner and simply said, “Fucking Rum!” before throwing up himself.

So there we were, future house mates holding hands, throwing up all over a wall behind a pub in Sheffield. If “Class” had a picture in the dictionary, it’d be a picture of us. We decided the best course of action was to go and get another beer to settle our stomachs then head off to get some food. We bought a 14 inch meat feast pizza between us and took it back to his place.

We didn’t finish it and it got to 5am so we decided to get some sleep as we had to be up for 10am to go and view a place to live.

10am came, we decided to cancel the viewing and go back to sleep.

1:45pm came, I woke up, ate the rest of the pizza and washed it down with a flat beer that was on Alex’s windowsill for god knows how long. We headed out to view another place that was around the corner, some hot woman answered the door. I was far too hung over to be charming, walked around her house and walked out. Far too small considering Alex has a piano to get in wherever we need to do.

I got home about 5pm where I just crashed and spent the rest of the night playing Draw Something with random people on my phone (which is highly addictive). Woke up this morning and my entire body was in pain. Probably from the violent throwing up two nights previous, definitely feels like my lungs have packed up hah!

I was going to have a lazy Sunday but I had a date with my woman planned to go and see Pirates! In An Adventure with Scientists at the cinema, bought season’s one and two of Madmen to get in to at the recommendation of anyone I’ve asked about it, came home waiting patiently for WrestleMania to start at 12 so I can be extra tired for work in the morning.

Looking back I can safely say that I am never drinking again…


Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

5 thoughts on “Never Again”

    1. Hah if there’s one thing I hate more than rum it’s definitely gin. It’s like sheer paint thinner. I could probably stomach a gin and tonic with plenty of tonic but straight gin on its own is enough to bring last months dinner up =/

      1. Good gin is lovely, but dangerous. Bad gin, which this was (it was appalling) is what Satan uses for mouthwash, because he loves suffering.

  1. I went to Newcastle once with the TA, and when we went out i was on Newcastle Brown Ale along with Navy Rum. I was out for a full day and as sick as a pig. I never touched Rum since, i’ll stick to drinking Brandy.

    1. Newcastle Brown haha, I remember thinking that used to be nice when I was younger, now I see all the chavs stood in phone boxes drinking it, haven’t touched it for years.

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