“It’s Like That Dream Scene In Being John Malkovich”

What’s going on everyone? It’s Tuesday and that can only mean I have managed to survive that dodgy Indian place I went to with work, Newcastle and then Wales.

When I say dodgy Indian place, I don’t mean we all flew to India; that’s madness. I mean we went to the “Westbars Indian Tandoori” where I had Scampi and Chips. Because I absolutely loathe Indian food, nothing against those that do but I don’t like the taste or smell of it, I hate rice and pretty much everything else. So I thought I’d be safe with something English, until the chips came with a slight green tinge to them.

Still I was hungry so I just went ahead and snaffled them down, ended up with a case of the shits. Which in turn led me to spending a great portion of the weekend on the loo.

East Coast

Buuuuuut anyway, I must say the night out in Newcastle was pretty epic; the stag party for my best friends future brother in law had both it’s highs and lows, the lows consisting mainly of the people that were with us; one of them spent the whole night yelling at his ex girlfriend down the phone then moping around after he dropped his phone in the toilet (which I’d LOL’d hard at) and another trying to pick fights with people including the bouncers.

Speaking of bouncers, most of them I’ve met around Chesterfield are mainly pricks. They think that just because they went on a one week doorman course they’re the best thing that’s ever been created. The guys in Newcastle that worked the door I thought were the nicest doorman I’ve ever met.

Police: Just make sure he keeps his jeans on.

Especially one guy at the strip bar we went to, I gave him a cigarette and then he busted out the sparklers. Even at 27, you’re never too old for sparklers.

One thing that annoyed me aswell though was the other guys we were with all got hammered on the bus to Newcastle, meaning by 1pm they were barely in the mood for drinking but wanted to be in the pub anyway. So we were out at 1pm me and my two friends ended up just going back to the room at midnight; it felt so late at one point so I checked the watch and it was only 7pm!

The woman that owned the bed and breakfast was a bit of a loon also, practically shouting at us in case we did something wrong, then when we came back to the room, knocked on our door twice to make sure we were alright; then when I was having a poo in the loo (due to said Indian) she actually knocked on the door to make sure I had enough toilet roll!

Then the morning after gave me a stack of business cards to hand out and begged me to put a nice review on Trip Advisor. Yeah here’s you’re review, “You’re a nutbag and the business cards are floating somewhere off the coast of Wales.”

Once Newcastle was over with and the stupid amounts of toilet breaks we had to take on the way back (I swear they’re like children), me and my mate Bill headed straight down for Wales. I wanted to get there for 6pm but we didn’t even end up setting off until 3:30pm but luckily for me I had a faster car than I had in previous years so I managed to do a 4 hour drive in 3 hrs 20 minutes.

Some people had already left by the time I got there because they had work the next morning but it seems they had me in mind even in my absence, it’s like that scene in Being John Malkovich where he goes into his own head and there’s just a world of John Malkovich’s, replace that with Pete Howorth and this is what you get.

When I got there Phil was showing me some photo’s of when they dressed up for Halloween and I accidentally stumbled across a photo of my head that I thought was super imposed on someone else’s face. They were disappointed that they’d ruined the surprise but I almost died laughing when I walked into the living room and everyone had my face.

It was the most unexpected but most awesome thing I’ve ever experienced, then one of my friends informed me that he and his girlfriend had sex while both wearing a “Pete Mask”. I didn’t really know how to respond to that, the thought that they were both looking at my face while going at it… it was disturbing but it also kind of excited me. =/

What I woke up to one morning.
West Coast

After that amazing evening spent with myself and a failed attempt at throwing three heavy men in a rowing boat that resulted in ruining my shoes; we all had fireworks to set off, unfortunately the tide ended up being in so we couldn’t set them off on the beach so he found a field not too far away however it was still very windy.

The instructions on the box said “Do not set off in extreme winds”, I would have said it was more of a strong wind, an extreme wind would probably what New York has had to endure so it was pretty safe.

Well so we thought anyway, because it was windy the rockets didn’t go as high as we thought and things could have gone wrong but the added danger made the whole thing that much more fun. Plus big noisey rockets are awesome.

Then on the last night we played a game called Centurion which is 100 shots of beer in 100 minutes. Which I thought sounded easy; but in reality that’s like six cans of beer in an hour and 40 minutes, even if you were drinking it normally you wouldn’t drink that much.

The girl in the group ducked out around shot 30 something, Will then dropped out at around shot 60; someone else ducked out at 70. I began getting extremely bloated at 77 and was ready to give up. But I powered through it, I made it to shot 98 and physically could not drink another drop.

This was proven by the fact that I had to run off and throw up everything I’d drank and eaten in the last couple of hours. I was so disappointed with myself, 98 out of 100! 50ml of beer from victory! Gutted. But it just means I’ll have to play it again in the future and win.

What do you win? A trip to drunksville.

Then soon after that, as quickly as it started it came to an end. The following morning we packed up and set off back to the dire reality that is my life. Heavily in debt after 6 days of expensive activities!

Yeah – We Actually Fit In It.
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Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

4 thoughts on ““It’s Like That Dream Scene In Being John Malkovich””

  1. I still can’t decide if your face on all those bodies is funny or incredibly scary. Both?

    Sounds like you had a fun time and for once nobody got injured.

  2. The many-Petes photograph is one of the greatest things I have seen in my life. I am severely aroused and such.

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