I Need Black Leather Gloves

blgSeriously how are there not more serial killers in the world? With all the cop procedural television shows it surely must be easy to kill a lot of people and get away with it? Or maybe they are and they are getting away with it?

The more I watch Dexter the more I want to go and buy some black leather gloves, you know when he’s wearing them shits about to go down. Black leather gloves and that long sleeved t-shirt; his uniform of death as it were.

What I like most about Dexter is that he only kills bad people and it’s good to see these big notorious serial killers the show introduces who think they’re invincible only for them all to eventually fall to the great Dexter. I think to myself, I could do what he does. Rapists and paedophiles, sneak up to them in the dead of night with a syringe of knock out juice then chop them up.

The only reason I don’t is probs because I don’t live near the ocean and have a boat to use to sink their bodies. Man I wish I had a boat. Nor could I afford all the plastic it’d take to buy to wrap up the bodies. So sorry peeps you’ll have to rely on the law for now promise I’ll start chopping people up when I become a millionaire though!

I had a pair of leather gloves once but one of those fecking cats that roam around my house pissed on them once and once a cat pisses on something you know the smells never going away. Going into work on a winters morning, taking my gloves off and someone asking “Why does it suddenly smell of cat piss?”

“I don’t know.” I’d reply, slyly sniffing my fingers. I think this is where my obsession of sniffing my fingers comes from. Though now they usually smell of aftershave and cigarettes because I’m a rock star.

Anyway enough about murder and sniffing for now, you’ll be happy (I hope) to know I’m not diseased after all it seems. Blood tests came back with an all clear, well I’m not anaemic at least, I dunno what else they’re testing for I have to go back next week. Still having bouts of bleeding and stomach cramps but I’m feeling a little better, I was actually in a good mood at work today which is rare. No sickness all week! Which is good because I really like food and I have a game of Monopoly Pub Crawl in London this weekend.

What’s monopoly pub crawl you ask? You have a pint in a pub located in each one of the squares, all in all it’s about 22 pubs so that’ll be 22 pints. Pretty safe to say I’m going to be fucked up this weekend, but at least this time when I’m sick; it’ll be self inflicted.

(Oh by the way, thanks to Nicole @ The Middlest Sister for my new banner(s)! I’m a massive fan of her work and I’m glad to have it plastered all over my blog :D)

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Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

18 thoughts on “I Need Black Leather Gloves”

      1. I only kill people when its chilly and dark.

        Now i’ll wait for a knock at the door when this goe’s out on the web 🙂

  1. Trinity Killer is by far the best Dexter season, especially after Miguel Prado shits all over season 3.

    I think shows like Dexter actually stop serial killing. There are so many shows on TV about how cops solve crimes that it’s near impossible to get away with one anymore. Even escaped prisoners and all those cool wild west things never happen. The only way to really get away with a killing is to be really rich and do it.

    1. But they show you how they capture them, so they should know what to watch out for. I skipped to the last three episodes of season 3, just to see him get killed, season 5 is looking good so far

  2. The Monopoly Pub Crawl sounds pretty intense. You’ll be shitfaced for days. Good times.

    I like the idea of a serial killer like Dexter, he’s doing the public a favor, cleansing the world of undesirables. But yeah, it’s messy. Which is probably why he has a special outfit for it, you don’t want to go around getting all your clothes mucked up with blood and guts, do you?

  3. Glad to hear you aren’t on the verge of death, although after your pub crawl you might be doubting that verdict 😉

    I

  4. Since you’ve posted about Dexter at the Asylum I tried to catch an episode and I did, that was the one he was almost caught and that black dude was on the run because they thought he was the ‘butcher’, didn’t get see the end though but it looked interesting enough I will watch it again. Dex is my kind of guy, he kills the right people.

    You weren’t feeling well? Well, even you said it, that pub crawling will land your ass in an ugly spot. Happy crawling all the same. I’m not sure I’m supposed to be feeling dandy after hearing of your murderous thoughts, or Harry’s nocturnal habits too for that matter though I suppose he’s been around long enough to get away with it.

    My dad has a pair of those in his closet …

    1. Yeah Doake’s was a legend, you should definitely try and watch it from the beginning, it’s really good. Just watched season 4 and John Lithgow is immense.

      I’m still not feeling well though large amounts of alcohol has actually helped hah. Don’t worry though if I do become a murderer you’ll be safe 😀

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