A Rocky Horror New Years

brighton8No doubt most of you had a decent New Years, whether you went out on the lash or stayed in and had a quiet one; as you know I spent mine in Brighton again this year which did actually live up to its name this time around as it was pretty warm on New Years Day; is this even Winter? We’ve had about like, one week where it was cold.

I thought getting there would be a challenge as I had to work New Years Eve, luckily my team leader let me do an early shift so I started at 6am and finished at half 2, shockingly though I’d only had three hours sleep the night before as I woke up late on Sunday and couldn’t get to sleep easily; which is why I prefer later shifts.

So with three hours of sleep under my belt and a full day of work I set off for Brighton around quarter to three. I was pretty knackered, plus I’d been drinking Red Bull most of the day which in the long run isn’t a great idea.

I was however making great time getting there despite the traffic and heavy, heavy rain. At one point I could barely see the car in front of me. Maybe it was because there were no cars in front of me because I’m so fast. I dunno.

About 20 minutes away from where my friend lives I realize my relaxed attitude of not checking my car fluids was a mistake as my engine had ran out of coolant and the engine over heated, spewing out smoke all over three lanes of motorway traffic. I pulled into a service station and let it cool down thinking I’d blown a head gasket, I swear every time I go down to Brighton something happens to the car I’m driving, last year the clutch on my Fiesta burnt out.

Still I made it after I gave the car 30 minutes or so to cool down though I could tell poor Eleanor needed a rest.

When I arrived I had to park my car about a 20 minute walk away from where my mate lives as he doesn’t have parking outside his house; so we walked back in the pissing rain; stopped off to get some beer and went back to the house. I pounded two bottles straight away as I felt I needed to catch up. The party had already begun as people were there enjoying themselves, I wasn’t feeling it. The early start, lack of sleep, the long drive and the walk in the rain had tired me out so I went for a snooze for an hour. Definitely not young any more.


My mates girlfriend Amy woke me up and said we were heading out in about 45 minutes so I had to get my fancy dress ready. (I hate fancy dress) I only decided to dress up the night before by cutting the sleeves off of an old leather jacket then I fashioned a white scarf from a £2 baby blanket from Sainsbury’s. It did the job. Then I gelled my hair which looks good with the bushy beard.

The Rocky Horror Picture Show is pretty strange to say the least; I watched the film in drama class at school about 13 years ago and I spent the whole time pretty much staring at my teachers boobs, she was hot. Probably not any more.

Basically for those of you that haven’t seen it it’s about a couple that have just been to an engagement party or whatever and on their way home the man decides to propose to the woman; she accepts and singing ensues. The car then breaks down and they end up at some hotel/castle so they can use a phone.

Then a lot of weird shit happens including more singing, transvestites, transsexuals, whatever Riff Raff was, Rhydian from The X Factor…

The woman from the couple has sex with the transvestite, then so does the man a bit later on; then the woman has sex with Rhydian who plays Rocky Horror, then aliens get involved and kill the transvestite, they release the couple and this other dude then they fly away in the castle.

…They only went in to use the phone. =/

"They only went in to use the phone" - Pete Howorth
“They only went in to use the phone” – Pete Howorth

Overall I’m not sure if it was really my scene; my friends were loving it and were dancing away to all the songs which is fine though dancing isn’t really my thing nor did I know what was going off half the time, probs should have watched the film before I went; when the woman who plays Janet kept taking her top off I just kept staring at her bra, that made me happy.

I got more into it after intermission as I’d slammed three expensive bottles of cider and the alcohol certainly helped. I enjoyed it none the less.

After the show ended they pulled a member of the crowd on the stage as he wanted to ask his girlfriend a special question (oh I wonder that could be), yeah you guessed it. He asked her to marry him. I yelled “YOU CAN DO BETTER!” which garnered some laughs and also put doubt into her mind, “Can I do better?” she’ll be thinking now as she rubs that engagement ring.

Naturally she said yes because whose going to say no in front of a couple thousand people? And because the guys name was Adrian I then yelled “AAAADDDRIIIIAAAAN” in a Sly Stallone voice, wrong Rocky I know. That too got a lot of laughs; I blame it on the cider.

We then hung around until the stroke of midnight which everyone then proceeded to kiss someone apart from me; because I must have been the only single person there, I got kisses afterwards from friends but still, I need a woman if only for that one moment. Then afterwards my mate Jake sang “Fuck Off Ya Cunt” in the style of Auld Lang Syne which people actually joined in with. Took some photo’s with some random people outside (which friends haven’t uploaded yet but I’ll show them off once they have), there was an old guy wearing a shirt, bow tie, suit jacket on top then just fish net stockings and high heels on the bottom. Random.


Then we went back to my mates house got drunk, had a challenge with Amy to see who could get more sausage in their mouth and played some American card game called “Cards Against Humanity” until 3am.

How many mini sausages can you get in your mouth? I made it to 16 before I started to gag.
How many mini sausages can you get in your mouth? I made it to 16 before I started to gag.

brighton6New Years Day the weather was actually pretty nice; first time I’d seen Brighton so sunny, people were in the sea, on the beach, eating ice cream; what’s happened to our Winters? Generally just had a walk around and I was going to stay for the full day and watch The Hobbit at the cinema with friends then sack work off but considering the state my car may have been in I probably needed all the money I could get so I filled up the coolant tank with water and headed back in the evening making it back unscathed around midnight.

All in all it’s been an enjoyable New Years, different but enjoyable all the same. Next year I’ll probably stay local as to avoid any car troubles! And that’s that all over with for yet another year, what will 2013 bring? Death hopefully. (Lolz morbid)

My franchise going strong.
My franchise going strong.
An actual brothel!
An actual brothel!

Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

13 thoughts on “A Rocky Horror New Years”

  1. I liked your “they only went in to use the phone” line as well as your obnoxious calls ruining a bride’s special moment. This definitely doesn’t seem like your scene. Sometimes though it’s good to do things outside the norm.

    Pics of your drama teacher please.

    1. If only I could find them, I’ve searched for her on Facebook for years 😦

      I told a workmate about my “You can do better” callout and he said, “So someone’s most romantic moment of her live she’ll ever have and you yelled that she can do better; good going” but that’s what they get for having me sit through a moment of their life I have no interest in. Had it been friends… I’d have still probably done it.

  2. The rocky show i love it, we seen it twice live at the opera house a few years apart but we are to old for it now 🙂

  3. I would’ve laughed if I had been there when you yelled out your one liners. Good one!
    Sounds like a good night, all and all. At least you had smart shoes this time and didn’t have to walk 500 miles. LOL!

  4. So I was all happily logged in about to comment on your post and then fucking wordpress logged me out. FUCK THIS! AWESOME POST!

    ‘You can do better’ cracked me up! LOL

  5. I’m glad you had an awesome new year! I didn’t actually go out and ended up staying in and watching Jurassic Park. Standard.

    ‘They only went in to use the phone’ should be the new tagline for the film and for the play… also your sausage face has been the highlight of my life.

    1. Haha is it sad that the line of the night actually came from me? Probs not, I’m well funny. But it is true though, they only wanted to use the phone then by the end of the play they let the couple go and that’s it without ever solving the problem of the broken down car.

      No one said, “The castle has flown off into to space, what do we do now?” They’re just in the middle of nowhere. That’s probably my main gripe, no wonder the writer of it ended up on Crystal Maze.

      And I do like a bit of sausage 😉

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