Happy Birthday To Me…

yeahboiSo I felt like writing this because I have all of this action running around in my head.

It all started on Thursday 31st of July – the day of one of my good friends wedding, some friends had come back to Chesterfield to attend, a friend who lives in China, friends who live in Brighton, a good night was had, an awesome wedding took place.

While we were there it was realized that my birthday’s on Sunday (today) so they decided that we were having a night out in Chesterfield on Saturday.

I’m not usually a guy who likes to drink round Chesterfield, I find that the doormen are too full of themselves and think they can do what they want, the other patrons are also keen to get in trouble to assert their dominance, I have no need of this at my age. I’ve been through all of that. I just wanted a good night.

So we went out, saw some old friends, a few of us went into the town centre and sure enough the first pub we happened to walk into, trouble kicked off.

Near the windows they have these doors that are blocked off by a railing, I decided I wanted to join a friend for a cigarette so I hopped over the railing rather than go out the main door, the bouncer promptly came over and told me I wasn’t allowed back inside, I didn’t really care because the place was a shit hole anyway (Aruba incase anyone from Chez reads this). My friend reached over the little barrier to grab a swig of his drink, not really allowed but didn’t deserve the bouncer storming over, snatching the pint from his hand and pouring it all over his shoes.

Told a friend who was inside that we weren’t allowed back in, my friend who was visiting from China was explaining why when the bouncer started the storm over giving us a threatening look, not to back down from anyone I shouted “We’re not doing anything, why don’t you fuck off back down there.”

Now, doormen, are supposed to be calm and collected, he could have come over and told us to leave, did he do that? No he didn’t, he shoved my mate into the barrier and on the 29th anniversary of my birth; headbutted me in the face.

That was it.

I pie faced him, he came back at me so I clocked him square in the jaw. He then grabbed hold of me and tried to hit me with some kidney punches while shouting “come on then fat boy” so I started laying bombs into the side of his head; breaking my hand on his empty skull, he ripped the shirt from my back, stood back and I banged him in the side of the face; he tried to wrestle me to the ground so I got him in a guillotine choke and then police quickly broke it up. The only reason I didn’t go for him more is because I knew police were only over the road.

One of the officers who was absolutely sound with me, handed me my shirt and I went over what happened. The bouncer was dragged across the road, had a quick talk and was then cuffed and put in the police van. The guy who was talking to me asked me if I wanted to do anything about it, I said no, because hell, I’d won the fight and he got arrested. Maybe next time he won’t be trying to start something he can’t finish the next time he’s on the door.

Police took my details and another officer came over and told me to leave the town centre and go home otherwise I’d be arrested. I’d said something along the lines of “arresting me for defending myself?” but there was no use arguing and in the end I was probably lucky I wasn’t locked up aswell, there must have been enough witnesses who saw what went off that meant I could just leave.

So all in all, an eventful night – people asking me if I’m okay, I just escaped with a red mark on my face where he headbutted me and a bloody tongue from where I bit myself during the chaos.

There’s a reason I don’t like Chesterfield and that was it, but fuck me, I do love a good tussle.


Author: 'Ard Pete

Hey everyone, my names Pete, friends call me 'Ard Pete because... well, I'm well 'Ard. Currently in Chesterfield, England, currently working as an I.T. Technical Lead for BT Business and Public Sector; it sounds more glamourous than it is but I'm a dab hand with Microsoft products. I enjoy television, mainly any Star Trek, all of Stargate, Lost, anything Joss Whedon has produced, 24 and House. Favourite music includes; Mumford and Sons, Jason Mraz, Eminem, Chris Cornell, Ludovico Einaudi, Goo Goo Dolls, Muse, 30 Seconds To Mars basically a wide variety of anything that's real, I hate dance, trance and anything like that, I don't consider that to be music. Not much of a sports guy, I like Professional Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Boxing, I can watch Football but only when I'm forced to watch it. Favourite author is Terry Pratchett, favourite film is Armageddon, favourite comedian is Lee Evans, favourite idiot is Karl Pilkington, favourite game is GTAIII, if there's anything else you wish to know, don't hesitate to ask. I'll more than likely not be busy.

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